a reason to love
by Kotoshin
Summary: Manga Universe, Alternate Timeline. BL. Implicit ya()i. Definitely shounen-ai. Shinkouhyou/Fugen, hints of Youzen/Taikoubou. Six parts up.
1. prelude/teaser

WARNING: BL. Shouen-ai. Implicit ya()i. Angst.  
  
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs herr   
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
A REASON TO LOVE - teaser/prelude  
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
  
He didn't understand it. Fuugen was his best friend.   
  
/WAS is definitely the right verb tense./  
  
The person before him was an utter stranger - strange  
and he did not know him. Not any more.  
  
He bit back the sudden, bitter taste in his mouth, and   
tried to be rational and sensible about the whole thing.   
  
/Shinkouhyou -/  
  
The very idea made him ill. Taikoubou nibbled at his   
lower lip, feeling vaguely betrayed.   
  
He shouldn't be feeling this way.  
  
"... Bou-chan?"  
  
Violet eyes peered at him with gentle concern, violet   
eyes that held warmth no warmer than affectionate friendship.   
  
He /really/ shouldn't be feeling this way.  
  
"Are you alright? Is there something the matter between   
you and Youzen-kun?"  
  
No hint of the flare of pain or angry jealousy that   
was always quickly hidden when his best friend spoke the name.   
Only -  
  
/Dammit, I am NOT jealous of Shinkouhyou!/  
  
- only a genuine care for his well-being and happiness.   
A care that was from a dear friend, a very dear and old friend   
who knew him better than himself, and no more.  
  
"No, no no - I'm perfectly happy with Youzen. Nothing's   
wrong. It's just that -"  
  
Worried, an arm closed about his shoulders. Not the   
almost frantic clinging he had come to dread, but a light hug   
which was meant to lend moral support.  
  
"Fuugen - I ... it's just that - "  
  
Violet eyes listened, gazed into his. And he could not   
find the intensity of the desperate longing that used to be   
there.  
  
"It's just that, I'm worried about you."  
  
Good gods, it was /so/ lame. Even to his own ears. He   
improvised, hurriedly.  
  
"I mean, you barely know Shinkouhyou. And that clown -   
well, he's too mysterious. And while he has helped some - he's   
not on anyone's side. I'm just worried about you putting so much   
trust in someone like that - I - well, I -"  
  
He really shouldn't be feeling satisfied, as bits of old   
hurt crawled into the violet eyes piece by piece.  
  
"I just don't want to see you hurt!"  
  
"Bou-chan - I appreciate your concern." Fuugen's smile   
was strained. "And I know what I am doing."  
  
"Like hell you do!"  
  
"What exactly do you object about Shinkouhyou-san?"  
  
".... he's a clown. And he's untrustworthy."  
  
"Bou-chan -"  
  
"Well, he is!"  
  
"Shinkouhyou-san may not be human. But that doesn't   
mean he has no sense of honour."  
  
Taikoubou looked skeptical.  
  
"It might not be the human standard of honour, but   
he is a creature of his word. And -"  
  
"And?"  
  
"We promised each other to answer questions truthfully   
if we do. But we are not obliged to answer questions if either   
of us do not wish to."  
  
/.... 'we'? ... 'us'?!/  
  
It ate at him, this sour feeling in his stomach.  
  
/I thought you and I were 'we', 'us'!/  
  
He did not like this feeling.  
  
/And I am NOT jealous. Am not AM NOT./  
  
"And believe me, Bou-chan, I will not speak of sensitive   
Konron affairs to him. And he will not ask. We respect each   
other's right to privacy."  
  
".... you trust him that much?"  
  
"It takes giving trust to receive trust, Bou-chan."  
  
He still felt sick. He thought Fuugen loved him. He   
thought that Fuugen truly did love him - until he saw Fuugen   
with Shinkouhyou.  
  
//What did you think he was going to do, when you   
refused him?//  
  
He tried to ignore that little voice.  
  
//What did you expect him to do when you told him that   
you loved Youzen?  
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that   
you never felt the same way he did?  
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that   
you never will? //  
  
Well - he didn't expect Fuugen to sleep with   
Shinkouhyou.   
  
/.... he mustn't have loved me very much at all./  
  
Resentfully, he told the voice with force.  
  
//He would have done anything for you. If you asked   
him to roll naked in a nest of scorpions, he would   
have. He loved you that much. And you told him that   
you didn't want to see him unhappy -//  
  
/But -/  
  
//Did you want him to pine after you forever? You   
couldn't stand the way he looked at you, wanting you,   
and knowing you as he did, he knew that you couldn't   
stand it -//  
  
/But -/  
  
//You didn't want him to treat you as anything other   
than a friend. You told him not kiss you or physically   
touch you the way he used to any more -//  
  
/But did that mean he had to throw himself at someone   
else?/  
  
//Why are you upset that he gave what you refused to   
someone else? Why do you even care?//  
  
/Because I'm his friend! And Shinkouhyou - Shinkouhyou   
can't possibly love him!/  
  
//And who died and made you the ultimate authority on   
character judgement?//  
  
"... Fuugen ... but ..."  
  
"I love him, Bou-chan."  
  
Well, that certainly put an end to the discussion.  
  
================================================================  
AFTERWARDS  
  
"Are you really alright with that?"  
  
Sleek and feral, the shadow solidified and embraced him   
from behind.  
  
"... I only told him the truth."  
  
"He's a fool." Clawed hand rubbed the tear away roughly.   
"He's a fool twice over if he doesn't know what you feel for -"  
  
With a sudden turn and twist, arms flung about shoulders   
and a mouth that kissed him with burning ferverence.  
  
"... I know."  
  
Pale hand touched porcelain-smooth cheek, and the cheek   
flinched. Not from pain, but from the warmth and the love   
that the touch carried. He smiled, acknowledging the answering  
warmth in the pit of his stomach. Accepting it.   
  
"I love you ..." He kissed the hand, sharp canines   
leaving careful red marks of possession but leaving white skin   
unbroken.  
  
/I love you. I won't ever lie to you -/  
  
And the white skin heated, /knowing/ the honesty of the   
words. The emotions. He meant every word he said.  
  
/... I know./  
  
"... is it alright with you?"  
  
"Hmmwrr?"  
  
He tried to ask with coherence, feeling the need that  
enflamed against him, seeking to pull him to the summit and  
plunge with him over the edge.  
  
"Is it alright with you, that I ... cannot yet love you   
as much as -"  
  
"I told you." Pulled closer, pinned still. "I do not   
love you because of how much you love me."  
  
"Still, I'm afraid I cannot ever love you as much -"  
  
Another kiss to bring back the silence.  
  
"I love you because you are you. All your weakness, all   
your strength. The good and the bad, the petty and the generous,   
the gentle and the cruel, the tears and the laughter. I love all   
of you, as you love all of /me/ ..."  
  
"... it's the only way I can love. Someone. Anyone."  
  
"And that is exactly why I love you."  
  
And he felt hot drops of rain against his skin.  
  
~owari~  
================================================================  
minor babble:  
Shi blames the idea for Shinkouhyou/Fuugen as a couple to the  
AIM Houshin Engi Rp.  
  
This fic started out as a PWP in 2000. Since then, shi'd been  
thinking ... and taken a more serious approach. So, while the   
plot of this fic would be /based/ on what's happened, happening,  
and will happen in the rp, it is by no means stuck to it. =D  
  
And this is different from shi's usual from A-Z style of   
writing. It's going to be in pieces like this, scattered, in   
no particular order or time frame. Completely AU (alternate-  
universe) and written according to whatever shi feels like  
adding.  
  
A bit giddy, and scary, cuz shi's used to writing in the   
framework shi sets out for self, and there's no rules in   
this one.  
================================================================  
Last Modified: May 30, 2001 7:24AM  
================================================================  



	2. I. dream driven

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs herr   
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
I. DREAM DRIVEN   
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
"The furtherest distance   
between two people -  
is not   
the ends of the earth  
nor the line between  
life and death.  
  
It is when   
I am standing  
right here   
with you,  
and you do not know  
that  
'I love you.'" [1]   
  
================================================================  
  
... I've known you for such a long time. We grew up together,  
spent time together, played pranks on teachers and fellow   
students and each other. Sixty years. Sixty years in Konronsan,  
studying under Genshitenson-sama.  
  
Sixty fleeting years.   
  
A short time, barely the blink of an eye, in the lifetime of an  
Immortal.  
  
As doushi, we were the best of friends. We still are. We have   
shared much, you and I. We have shared our laughter, our tears,  
our hopes and our fears - the dreams and secrets confided only to   
each other.  
  
I thought it was forever. It would be forever. That you'd always  
be there, with me. That I'd always be there, for you. That   
nothing could ever come between us, between the closeness we   
shared.  
  
I used to hold you close at night, sharing the warmth in this   
single room, in this bed we share. You dream, of dark things,   
of terrible things that children were not meant to know. Dreams  
of screams and blood and fire that the child you were lived  
through.   
  
Survived.  
  
Sometimes, I wondered if either of us really did.  
  
How much of you died, burning in the fire?  
How much of 'me' did I leave behind, charred to ephermal  
ashes in memory?  
  
I dream, with you. Beside you. The shadows of the past cling   
to us, lingering, the scent of blood and loss that neither of   
us could forget.   
  
We comfort each other, holding and securing each other from   
drowning in the whirlpool of rememberance when the nightmares   
come. When the memories rebathe us in blood.  
  
One more tie that bind us, this sorrow of the past. The bleak  
yet gripping past that shaped us, molded our very being - the  
past made us who we were. The past that made us who we /are./   
  
I look to the past and remember all that had been, all that was,   
all that was lost which I wish to regain. All that happened,   
that which I wish undone. Unhappen. Unreal.  
  
But you ...  
  
It was you who taught me to look to the future. The brightness,  
so bright, so endless the possibilities of the vision in your  
eyes. It opened my eyes to the dream of you, the dream that   
made what I dreamed small and insignificant.  
  
I dreamed only of peace, of becoming an Immortal sennin, and   
use my skills to help the people when I could. I dreamed of   
being left alone, aloof from the world of mortals and their   
woes. Helping to ease the pain, but never letting such   
tragedies close - never allowing myself the closeness which  
invariably brings heartache.  
  
But you - you changed that. You saw much further than this  
small and selfish vision of mine ever could. Did. You saw a   
dream that was greater than mine. A dream the encompassed   
mine as a tiny part of its whole.  
  
"A Ningenkai without sendou."  
  
You believed in me. You were the first to congratulate me when  
I attained the rank of sennin. And one of the Jyu Ni Sen, no   
less.  
  
"I knew you could do it."  
  
I believe in you. You could not see them, would not believe me   
if I spoke - but I see in you a freeborn soul with great wings   
of wind and light.  
  
You would fly far.  
  
And I ...  
  
... I would go with you, as far as my wings can follow.  
  
- end -  
================================================================  
[1] -- roughly translated quote from a chinese novel. Shi can't  
remember which one. Shi /thinks/ the author's penname was   
"Sky-heart" if translated. if you know, please email shi. ^^;   
================================================================  
minor bits of babble:  
... this used to be part of a long fic shi did. Being lazy, shi  
decided to finally give in, and cut it up into short pieces  
but still grouped together in the same fic - universe-wise.  
This Fuugen is quite different from the one in "Smiling Tears",  
and should be treated as a different person.   
And yes, shi can 'see' different versions of the same character.  
================================================================  
Last Modified: May 30, 2001 7:11AM  
================================================================  



	3. II. catseye

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs her  
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
II. CATSEYE  
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
freethinker n. A person who forms opinions on the basis of   
reason, independently of tradition, authority, or established   
belief.  
  
================================================================  
  
Same old, same old.   
  
/NOTHING/ was interesting any more.  
  
He yawned as the severed head rolled off the platform   
and bounced several times before it decided to stop at the dirt   
near his feet.   
  
There was not much he had not seen in the three   
thousand something years he lived. Watching a man's life ebb   
away in any manner had long since lost any attraction in the   
past hundred years or so.  
  
/I'd REALLY like to see something new./  
  
Still blinking, the head hadn't realized it was dead.   
  
Yet.  
  
He glanced about, finding few human spectators - apart   
from the involuntary participants, of course. For the hand   
(paw?) of a vixen ruled here, and only the youkai enjoyed the   
sight of blood and the screams of dying human beings.  
  
/Yet another reason to avoid generalizations based on  
stereotypes. I don't./  
  
Well, most youkai did.   
  
He supposed it was because there were few opportunities  
for the youkai, where scenes from the slaughterhouse were played   
with human and non-human roles reversed.  
  
/And who could blame them? Humans rarely objected if one  
of them killed an animal or a youkai./  
  
Precious few humans considered any youkai their equal   
unless the youkai happened to look human. And even then, known   
youkai were considered barely one step above the beasts. Nowhere   
near the superiority that is inherent in the species at the top   
of the food chain.  
  
He never ceased to be amazed at how touchy those so   
called "superior beings" become when mere beasts talked back to   
them. Or the violence that ensues if the beast was right. In   
fact, they become downright homicidal if they actually lost an   
argument to what they thought as "lower beings."  
  
/AND they wonder why youkai tend to wipe out villages   
when 'just a dumb beast' is killed by a human./  
  
Hypocrites.  
  
Planting both feet firmly on the ground, he waited  
until the attention of the crowd was held by the fourth - no,   
it was the fifth scheduled execution this morning in Chouka   
Palace - before carefully putting out the remaining life in   
the head at his feet.  
  
The facial twitching was getting on his nerves.  
  
/Boring. No point in prolonging the inevitable./  
  
Small wonder that the youkai were resentful of humans,  
to say the least. No wonder at all that most youkai treated  
humans with just as much respect (none), along with disdain and   
hatred, as humans did to the youkai.  
  
/Feh. I gave up picking on humans - ordinary humans, at   
any rate - in my first hundred years./  
  
There was no challenge in defeating those weaker than  
oneself. Besides, he was never one for the game of cat and mouse.  
Much.  
  
/Now, if the human had at least enough intelligence to  
make the game INTERESTING .../  
  
Walking away, he toyed with the idea of speaking with  
Dakki about the blandness of the entertainment.   
  
"Shinkouhyou~~ 3"  
  
Musky and primal, the wafting scent. Long silken hair   
flowing gracefully over equally silken fabric, swishing softly.   
She looked at home with the luxurious surroundings, appearing no   
more dangerous than the pampered sensual creature of some lord's   
harem.  
  
Until one looked at her eyes.  
  
/Speak of the vixen .../  
  
Mesmerizing orbs of gold that could shift from   
impenetrable mirrors to burning ferocity in heartbeats.  
  
"Leaving so soon? Is my hospitality lacking? 3"  
  
Stifling a yawn, he decided to remind her that her wiles   
had no effect on him.  
  
"Dakki, this is becoming most tedious - are you running   
out of ways to dispatch those you don't need?"  
  
================================================================  
  
That had been interesting while it lasted. He'd almost  
felt a surge of satisfaction as gold eyes flashed with anger,   
and she'd /almost/ flushed. He could look forward to some new   
torment she'd devised the next time he visited Chouka.   
  
"Where to, Shinkouhyou?"  
  
Kokutenko mirrored his own thoughts. They didn't really  
need to "talk" verbally, to communicate - but it was good to  
practice. Just in case.  
  
//Just in case we forget to, ne, Niisama?//  
  
/Sou, sou .../  
  
He laughed, and scratched the back of one wide, furry   
ear. The oversized kitty purred.  
  
"It's been a while since we've been to Konron," He   
mused. "Shall we see if they upgraded their perimeter security   
system?"  
  
================================================================  
  
They didn't.  
  
/My, my - the Houshin Keikaku./  
  
"What an /interesting/ piece of news."  
  
He watched as Genshitenson ordered the young doushi to  
accept the Project. A young, brash, belligerent doushi.  
  
/Taikoubou .../   
  
He frowned, searching for information he /should/ know  
about a doushi with the ability to carry out such an ambitious  
Project. And was pleasantly surprised when he could find none.  
  
/... how could I have missed this?/  
  
While technically a mere doushi, he was far more than  
the equal of any sennin. He did not come to wield such power  
without recognizing similar strength in others. The young human   
screaming at Genshitenson was, at the very least, the equal of   
any of the Konron Twelve.  
  
/How VERY interesting./  
  
That, a 'mere' doushi had such ... ability. And as for   
the potential of the human -  
  
/Why, he could eventually become my equal./  
  
He did not know the strange sensation that stirred in   
his guts. It took him some time to name it excitement. For the   
longest time, he had not known this feeling - had not known that   
there was still someone who could potentially become a rival.  
  
//... Niisama?//  
  
/Quiet. I need to think./  
  
It was all an act, the whining and the complaining.   
Green eyes lit up far too brightly as Genshitenson rose his  
aging voice against the vehement protest to go into details   
about the Houshin Keikaku. Green eyes that saw far, a vision  
that anticipated the future yet to come.  
  
/Yes ... this is someone worthy -/  
  
Worthy to become his rival. While it was true that the   
edge of the blade needed tempering, the metal not quite strong   
steel - but oh, the potential.  
  
He'd seen many beings that gave themselves variants of   
the title 'leader' - and did not deserve it. This one not only   
deserved it, but was born to it.  
  
/The only thing he needs is experience./  
  
Of any being he knew, only Dakki could match this one's   
wits, other than himself.   
  
/And with that experience .../  
  
Anything was possible. Even the seemingly impossible   
odds of the Houshin Project.  
  
/Anything./  
  
And with the nature of the Project - it looked as if   
interesting things could come looking for /him/, rather than the   
opposite.  
  
He was glad that he did decide on this little excursion.   
But then, he always had a nose for finding events. Especially   
world-changing events. And what use was such an ability if not   
to use it to /be/ there when such an event gave its first   
wailing birth-cry?  
  
"Shinkouhyou - what about this? Should we go tell   
Dakki ASAP?"  
  
"... of course."  
  
He could not help the smile that came.  
  
And what else better to do than to herald the birth by  
informing all the interested parties involved?  
  
"Both Dakki and I will get a lot of fun out of /this/."  
  
//... Niisama? You don't think ...//  
  
/No./  
  
"I don't feel that little doushi with the name Taikoubou  
will be able to defeat Dakki."  
  
/Yet./  
  
//Sou ka ... so, are we -//  
  
/No./  
  
Cats don't get involved. Instead, they watch and make  
astute observations and sarcastic comments - when others take  
the risks and fall flat on their faces.  
  
//Oh.//  
  
A cat is a cat is a cat.   
  
/After all, it IS the thing to do as superior beings./  
  
- end -  
  
================================================================  
minor bits of babble:  
Shi was stalled for a bit on this -  
and finally finished it in about 3 hours of inspiration   
interrupted many times by loving family.   
Kuni, this is for you. *smooch*  
Cuz it wouldn't have been possible without you giving shi  
shink-style input. XD  
  
"The cat is still watching the goldfish in the bowl."  
================================================================  
Last Modified: June 3, 2001 7:38AM  
================================================================  



	4. III. inside looking out

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs her  
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
III. INSIDE LOOKING OUT  
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
"If you wear a mask consistently for long,  
the mask will gain a life of its own."  
  
================================================================  
  
... helpless ....  
  
Drifting, unwilling to think - and unable to. There was  
nothing to think about, nothing to contemplate or stimulate the   
mind. There was no light, no sound, no /sensation/.   
  
Nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to touch - not   
even the barest hint that would give feeble substance to the   
faint wisps of memories and dreams. Just ... oblivion.  
  
.... oblivion?  
  
No, not quite. There was awareness, albeit only the   
bare bones of consciousness. A consciousness conscious of its  
being wrapped in the anonymous coccoon of oblivious bliss.   
  
... bliss?  
  
... what ...  
  
Stirring. Something - something, there, at the edge of  
vision, if there was anything to see. A background buzz if there  
was noise. The light brush of mist and dew -  
  
... what is ...  
  
... what is it ...  
  
- over skin and condescending into cool fingers.  
  
... who ...  
  
Feeble struggles to wake, flailing and failing. Hands  
clench, breathing hastens, and lashes flutter, the eyes attempt  
to open -  
  
"... you belong here."  
  
Surprised, the voice. Strain to hear, to reach out and  
grasp the hand -  
  
... who are you?  
  
... who are -  
  
Pain.  
  
:FLASH:  
  
Remembered pain.  
  
:FLASH:  
  
Pain that was more than one could bear, shattering pain   
that was forced into smaller, broken pieces else it could not be   
contained. No one can hold such pain were it whole.   
  
:FLASH:  
  
Wide awake and eyes unseeing, too aware of the pain. Too   
aware of the encompassing void - the nothingness with no escape,   
no door or threshold to cross, the place of many blindly groping   
in the dark. Futile the effort, draining the movement, and the  
final stillness resumes its customary place.  
  
... who am I? .....  
  
================================================================  
  
He woke. He woke, and panicked.  
  
/Who am I?/  
  
He remembered nothing. Only the fire that burned the  
darkness away, only the screams which drowned out the night, and   
the flood of blood that washed away the faces and the places.   
  
/Who am I?/  
  
That was all he remembered.  
  
That and - love. He had been loved. Nothing else could   
leave that kind of raw, bleeding pain inside.   
  
/Who am I?/  
  
Flailing, arms tried to grab hold - tried to grab hold   
of someone who could answer his question.  
  
Anyone.  
  
Anyone at all.  
  
... anyone?  
  
================================================================  
  
He smiled, having learned to smile.  
  
"... the child has potential ..."  
  
"... of course, for Genshitenson-sama to choose ..."  
  
"... and the other one from the student body?"  
  
"... an honor, to be chosen to be Genshi-sama's pupil."  
  
Agreement all around.   
  
Most doushi in Konron were required to serve   
apprenticeships, not affliated to any Master Sennin, for the   
first decade of their studies. They did all the manual labour -  
cooked, washed, and cleaned for senior sendou - and were still   
expected to keep up with all the mandatory classes.  
  
Most doushi without a master had no time to call their  
own, their days consisting of tending the gardens of herbs and  
rare plants, chopping wood, fetching water, and dusting. A lot  
of dusting.  
  
The exceptions - those doushi who followed a Sennin   
Master - had the choice of leisure and/or self-study. They   
were encouraged to such duties, especially for their own   
Master, but they were not required if their Masters did not   
demand them.  
  
He smiled, for that was what he wanted. There was so   
much to learn - so much, and almost enough to make him forget  
the void. The void that was an empty, aching pang within him.  
The void in which he lost himself - even his name.  
  
/... but I have a 'name' .../  
  
A name, given to those who pursued the path - to   
become one of the sennin -  
  
"... we'll see. You all know that how Genshi-sama ..."  
  
"Yes, if they're not worthy, they can be demoted back to   
the ranks just as easily ..."  
  
"... there is that missing slot for the Twelve, you   
don't suppose Genshitenson-sama ...?"  
  
"... grooming one of them? Perhaps, he's been ..."  
  
- to become one of the sennin - and it was a purpose,   
now, a reason of being. Even in the scant days he had been here,   
he had found the learning environment suited him as the air   
would a bird's wings.   
  
/... there is so much to /know/, to learn .../  
  
It filled the void.  
  
Almost.  
  
"Hey, you the other new kid?"  
  
Bright green, one eye winked cheerfully at him, ignoring  
the ongoing lecture of the aging Master. One hand pushed back   
messy auburn bangs.   
  
"Hai," he smiled back, uncertainly.  
  
"Great! I was beginning to think that everyone here were,  
you know, /adults/ or something."  
  
Standing behind the tall frame of his white-haired   
Master, he listened to the murmurs of conversation about the   
stone halls.  
  
"Say - what's your name? I'm Taikoubou."  
  
"Yoroshiku ... boku wa Fuugen desu. ^_^"  
  
- end -  
  
================================================================  
minor bits of babble:  
  
Brain is ... dead.  
Exams next week.  
And the week after, which is /supposed/ to be the break in  
between summer terms ....   
Shi is to go to do Jury Panel duty as a good little citizen.  
Someone shoot shi now. ._.;  
  
================================================================  
Last Modified: June 18, 2001 3:34PM  
================================================================  
  



	5. IV. eyecatcher

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs her  
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
IV. eyecatcher  
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
"I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human   
being is not the ability to produce food - which they take   
for granted - but his or her entertainment value."   
  
-- Geoffrey Household  
  
================================================================  
  
He did not have a particular destination in mind, but  
urged Kokutenkou to prowl about the lands of the West, until   
something should catch his eye - until something warranted   
enough for a second look and closer attention.  
  
He really did not expect anything to, since the   
situation remained a stalemate between the forces of Yin and   
Shuu. Bunchuu was still coaxing flames of the Yin's might from   
dying embers, and Shuu was crippled by its dying leader.  
  
Then something - or rather, some/one/ - caught his eye.  
  
It was not a handsome appearance which had caught the   
fancy of his eye, long since jaded.   
  
For he had seen beauty capable of bringing emperors to   
its heel - a loveliness beyond the lot of mortals - inhuman   
beauty that ensnared men as surely as a spider's web fascinated   
its prey to wing toward doom. He had seen striking features   
combined with unforgettable coloring, dazzling tresses and   
bright eyes that displayed sensuality like an all-out assault.  
  
Skin deep, the kind of beauty that grated on the   
senses, that /made/ heads turn to look if not already looking.  
  
He had seen beauty, seen them all; in all the shapes   
and size and colours they come in - overwhelming and   
incinerating and thought-obliterating, the kind of beauty that   
did not need more than one look to recognize.  
  
The kind of beauty that he tired of, after that first and single look.   
The kind of beauty that left nothing to the imagination.   
The kind of beauty that held no /mystery/.  
  
A single glance, and one could put a name to the word "beautiful."  
  
Beautiful.  
Beautiful, like Dakki.  
Beautiful as Dakki ...  
  
The kind of beauty with no hold over him.   
The kind of beauty incapable of satisfying him.  
The kind of beauty which was less than nothing to him.   
  
Idly, he mused - if "perfect" beauty, perfect beauty   
such as the flawless epitome of feminine charm that was Dakki   
did not touch him, what could?  
  
What was the quality that captivated his interest?  
  
/Taikoubou did./  
  
It was Taikoubou which drew his eye to this one. This  
one, shadow-like, who seemed to hover constantly at the   
background of the young doushi's frenzied activities.  
  
Watching.  
Assisting.  
Smiling ...  
  
A smile that tugged his mind down the roads of memory,   
toward a day of gold and sun - a day with a smile similiar, but   
not identical to that one ...  
  
================================================================  
  
The light shining through the grass refracted was not  
the same - it was not the same shade as it was five crawl-paces  
earlier.  
  
Annoyed, he paused in pigeon-stalking. Anything   
different is not-normal, and therefore suspicious and must be  
checked and smelled and tugged and examined every which way   
before the norm was found. Not-normal - not safe. He had to  
look closer before going about his normal business.  
  
He did not like to spend his time chasing imaginary  
threats down never-ending tangents of investigation - but time  
spent learning was never wasted.  
  
He sighed, and stalked toward the not-normal.  
  
The grass was an odd, different shade of green, inches   
away. It caught his eyes, the green reflected gold. He paused,   
considering the strange coloured grass from his crouching crawl   
below the height of the grass. Suddenly, the sky was bisected   
by bright orange bands as something (man-sized, he thought)   
muttered, and turned over.  
  
And he stared into gold.  
  
Twin orbs of gold. Gold that mirrored gold in a liquid   
dance. Molten gold that froze time in sweet scented chunks of   
amber. Golden eyes that stared, unblinking.  
  
He stared right back.  
  
Curious, as to how long it would take the human to   
break from this still, measuring gaze into the expected lapse   
of human insanity. The insanity of the human response to his   
gaze was dual natured - one born of ignorance and fear, the   
other born from the ignorance of fear.  
  
Fearful, the human would shudder, shrink away. One path   
would have the human make the signs of evil warding (silly   
humans, warding against evil when there was far more evil intent   
to be found from their own) against youkai, and walk quickly   
away without further acknowledgment of his existence.   
  
Those who left him alone, he left alone. Those who   
shrieked and ran - well, it was fun stalking them before he ate   
them. The fear of the prey in the chase was the thing which   
interested him the most of these insipid creatures.  
  
Alternatively fearless, the human would give a soft   
little sound - the last cry of a baby bird as it fell from its   
nest neatly into his mouth - and then scratch pleasurably behind   
his ears, under his chin .... those he enjoyed. It made no sense,  
to remove a source of such pleasures - they would part on amiable  
terms after a mutually satisfactory purr-session.  
  
On occasion, less pleasantly, he would be crushed in an   
obnoxious embrace and tormented with squealing howls and cooing   
murmurs that mocked his dignity and hurt his ears.   
  
It was almost as good as the cozy haze buzz of shared   
contentment when he ate /those/, tasted the delight-infused   
disbelief and fear that coloured their last moments.  
  
Intense emotion in any form fascinated him, for such was   
not the lot of cats. Which was not to say that cats had no   
feelings. He, and those of his kind were simply more honest in  
the expression of emotion.  
  
/I suppose that is why the feelings of human beings are   
so ... exaggerated. Comes from too much repression./  
  
But this one was ...different.  
  
This mind was calm and collected and composed - the very   
texture of the mind different from that of any human being which   
he had ever encountered. It was ... clean. There was no messes   
of panic or chaotic thought running in circles - that he was   
used to, when dealing with human beings.   
  
What there was ... was ... unfathomable. Inside the   
human's mind, there was only ... there was only what he saw with   
his eyes.  
  
There was only the reflection of the obsidian mirror   
that were his eyes.  
  
/... who are you?/  
  
//Who are /you/?//  
  
What startled him was not the fact that the human could   
speak mind to mind. What startled him was not the fact that /he/  
himself was examined and tested, even he did so .... What   
startled him the most was the unruffled bemusement of the voice   
of the mind, so like one of /his own kind/.  
  
//It's not very polite to look into the heart of   
another without permission.//  
  
Before he knew it, he was delivered back to the warm of   
the sunshine and the tickle of grass, from the world of the mind  
to the world of the body.  
  
/......../  
  
//*laughter*//  
  
/*miffed snort*/  
  
//You should be glad that I do not eat those who are not  
polite, as is the custom of you and yours.//  
  
/!/  
  
He blinked first, surprised that he was the first to -   
that he was the first to crack under the invisible tableau of   
wills.  
  
Long lashes lowered beneath the tumble of green hair   
that tousled out of the hood of a bright orange jacket. The mind  
left a lingering trace that was a smile as it left his mind.  
  
He affected not to notice, to disregard the subtle   
amusement in golden eyes, diverting his attention instead to the   
long, pointed tapers of the hood. It was the decision of a   
moment before he pounced.  
  
Roushi laughed, and plucked the white leopard cub off of   
his hood.  
  
"You, /kitten/, have a lot to learn."  
  
================================================================  
  
Shinkouhyou shook himself from the reverie. The young   
sennin before him - he'd seen before, but never really noticed.   
He sent a mental query to Kokutenkou, who usually kept track of  
whom was whom among the sennin.  
  
/Fuugen Shinjin. The youngest ever to attain sennin rank.  
The youngest ever to hold rank as high as that of the Jyu Ni Sen./  
  
Something about him ...   
  
Something about him caught his eye.  
Something similiar ... to that which had caught his eye   
before. Something that was the same thing that had caught his  
eye with Taikoubou.  
  
/They're best friends. "Those who are close to crimson  
are red, and those who are close to auburn are brown." [1] Of   
course they are like./  
  
But there was something else.  
Something elusive, elemental - the essence of something  
he /should/ be familiar with, but could not name.  
  
Fuugen's colouring reminded him of the tensai-doushi,   
at least superficially. The hair blue, and the eyes violet. But   
whereYouzen's hair evoked a stormy sea - Fuugen's was the hue of   
sunlit skies. Fuugen was light where Youzen was dark.   
  
/Like a pale shadow .../  
  
But Fuugen was not Youzen's shadow. If Fuugen were   
anyone's shadow - he would have been Taikoubou's.  
  
/What is it about him ...?/  
  
The more he chase after the butterfly of thought, the  
further it flew away from him. Finally, Shinkouhyou gave up and  
simply watched, observing in the time-honoured manner of a cat  
at rest.  
  
Inexplicably, the memory of green and gold superimposed  
briefly over blue and violet.  
  
- end -  
  
================================================================  
[1] It's a Chinese proverb.  
================================================================  
minor bits of babble:  
  
Shinkouhyou and Roushi.  
Fuugen and Shinkouhyou.  
  
There is a connection.  
  
... once you ignore the red herrings.  
  
*evil grin*  
  
================================================================  
Last Modified: February 11, 2002 12:15AM  
================================================================ 


	6. V. mask undonned

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:  
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu   
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters   
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of   
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for   
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.  
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs her  
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!  
  
****************************************************************  
V. mask undonned  
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands  
****************************************************************  
  
"Depending on person and place -  
for every occasion a different face."  
  
================================================================  
  
"Bou-chan is the person I like the best."  
  
The words were spoken with a smile.   
  
"Heh. I like you the best, too, Fuugen."   
  
Because we're best friends, the anwering smile said.  
  
/I like you the best .../  
  
"Nothing's ever gonna change that."  
  
"Really?" Another smile, crystal clear like glass. "If  
it's alright with you - I'll never leave Bou-chan."  
  
"Whaddaya mean, if it's alright?"  
  
//Why would I ever want you to?//  
  
"Because Bou-chan doesn't like the people he cares about  
to be unhappy. So Bou-chan keeps secrets, not telling anyone."  
  
"Fuugen ..."  
  
"But I can tell ... and I'll give Bou-chan room to be  
alone if Bou-chan needs it."  
  
"Hey, Fuugen, tell you what - I won't keep secrets   
from you if you don't."  
  
"Only if you do the same and keep no secrets from me.   
Equal exchange is only fair, ne?"  
  
Both laughed.  
  
Best friends forever, right?  
  
.... right?  
  
================================================================  
  
Pain ripped savagely in him. It burst open like a dry,  
cracked seedpod spilling its red jewels. He could barely   
breathe, so intense was this pain. He had never felt this pain   
before, never.   
  
When he knew that he had lost Bou-chan irrevocably, the   
grief had been but a steady pulse. Easily kept controlled and   
shut away - a wild beast that raged against its cage in vain.  
  
This was the beast turned loose. The beast roaming   
free, devouring him from the inside. If Bou-chan had been in   
the same room with him ...  
  
If Bou-chan had been there, he would have hurt him -  
he would have. Just to let him know the barest hint of this  
grieving rage - perhaps rip him apart with words that struck  
where it hurt the most and -  
  
/NO./  
  
He stopped the beast cold. Thrust the beast brutally   
back into its cage.  
  
/No./  
  
It violated the very essence of everything he once   
was - that which lingers, dregs of the long-ago innocence  
lost.  
  
"... no."   
  
Even if he had nothing in return ... even if he was   
hurt more cruelly by the thoughtless neglect than any  
intentional slight ...  
  
He still loved. He still loved Bou-chan, still   
brought himself to understood Bou-chan, despite the   
understanding which realized all the shortcomings and faults   
as well as all the qualities he admired in Bou-chan. Despite   
everything, he understood because he still cared to.   
  
He understood how little need Bou-chan had of him,   
the flawed, imitation-copy that he was.  
  
The violet mist cannot hide the mystery of purple   
waters. The cloudless sky cannot pierce the depths of the   
blue ocean.  
  
He was but a poor, faded wraith beside Youzen's   
vivid beauty. His intelligence paled beside Youzen's   
brilliance. His cradling worship was no match to Youzen's   
sharp wit. All the tenderness he had could not cushion the   
confidence daunted by a single question, just as   
suggestions made by Youzen were heard over the soothing   
intended by his own voice.  
  
Youzen challenged Bou-chan ... while he only   
coddled him. Youzen made Bou-chan think. Youzen was   
Bou-chan's desire. He was not.  
  
What Bou-chan desired was not the soft, unthinking,   
reflexive gentleness that was all he could afford to offer.   
All that he was allowed to offer. All that he was allowed  
to offer under Youzen's gaze before Bou-chan's discomfiture.  
All that /he/ allowed himself to offer. All that he allowed  
himself to offer, for fear of more than he should.  
  
He was only a shelter from the rain.  
Youzen was the sunshine.   
No one takes to shelter when the sun shines.  
  
He could understand - for Bou-chan was not alone   
in the desire and need of sunshine. But he needed it from   
Bou-chan.  
  
And he had no shelter and it was raining ....  
  
Alone in the cold bed that night, sheltered by   
no one and nothing, Fuugen found himself bare and bereft   
of even comforting illusion. There was nothing that kept  
him from the truth - and truth is what hurts the most.   
  
He lay still, feeling only the memories happening   
within him. The awakening memory that took the mask that   
was himself aside.  
  
/... you were never made to endure pain./  
  
Exposed and unable to hide, without shelter. Numbed   
to the cold because of the pain.  
  
/You were only meant to forget pain./  
  
He could not think, he was losing whatever semblence   
of stability he had, whatever slippery grasp he ever held on   
reality.  
  
/... and too much pain will shatter you./  
  
He was alone and not alone, left in an open space   
carried away by the child from the past. The child that he   
was. The child that was him.  
  
/I cannot let that happen, because I would be hurt if   
you were to break./  
  
Images of love, images of pain. Images of loss of love   
in pain. Too keen, too sharp, too cold. Icy wind and rain and   
storm in the heart without a shelter.  
  
/So, sleep./  
  
Small cool fingers closed sore weeping eyes.  
  
/Sleep until I can make another to take your place./  
  
  
- end -  
  
================================================================  
minor bits of babble:  
  
The Fugen-introspective was written after shi read Tigana.  
  
It's a superb piece of fantasy by Guy Gavriel Kay.  
  
... with the writer's (and the reader's) sympathy all centered   
on Dianora - it made shi wonder about what Solores must think   
since Brandin does NOT love her.  
  
Especially since the two women's personalities DO contrast as   
Fugen's & Youzen's does.  
  
================================================================  
Last Modified: February 10, 2002 at 11:45 PM  
================================================================ 


End file.
